Thursday, January 30, 2014

On Expectations.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with expectations.  Whether it be unreasonable expectations of myself or others, I often have found myself disappointed by unmet expectations. Of course, I carried this whole deal into marriage, and you can imagine how well that went.  In my immaturity, I have spent much of my life living in disappointment due to unfair expectations I have placed on people and situations.  This has sometimes led to having very, very low expectations and the assumption that everything will always turn out worse than I hope.
Thankfully, the Lord has done a lot of good work in my heart on this matter, and I have matured enough to begin to find a balance between the unrealistic and the hopeless.  Begin would be the keyword in that sentence.  It is a journey, and sometimes I am running forward.  Other times, I trip on a root along the way and have to get up, shake the dirt off, and trudge forward.

Our Christmas was incredible.  Like one of the best ever.  And, I wasn't expecting it.  In fact, I almost missed the greatness because I was awaiting disaster or disappointment.  You see, many adoptees have a very difficult time with holidays for lots of different reasons.  I was worried that the same would hold true for Famous, and that his fears would play out in some dreadful way that would ruin the holidays for the rest of us.  I also like to place unfair expectations on my sweet husband when he is not supposed to be working, but let's be real for a moment...when you run your own business, when are you truly ever not working?
So, in the midst of all the worry and expectations, I almost missed the magic.  The wonder.  The holiness.  The love. The celebration.
I'm so glad that the Lord redeemed that for me because it was a truly magical Christmas.
Famous loved every moment, and you would have thought he had been celebrating Christmas with us his whole life (minus the sheer excitement that can only come with seeing this holiday through fresh makes me teary thinking of it).

Any doubts of Chris giving us his undivided attention were a waste of my thinking space.
I think I will look back on this Christmas always and reflect on God's goodness.
I'm just so thankful that my expectation issues didn't allow me to gloss over the blessing of what was right in front of me, and I am planning to keep pressing on with grace.

1 comment:

lindsey said...

Sister!!! I just caught up on the blog. I'm loving it. Thank you for sharing your heart so beautifully. Watching you mother your children is such a blessing to me. Love you!! xoxoxo