Chris left for Ghana on Wednesday, and within hours, Micah was running fever. She caught a tummy bug and was so sick and sad for about 24 hours. Those 24 hours were a battle for my heart. I was overwhelmed. I wanted the week to be easy and smooth. Instead, sickness and chaos entered our home. I have not always been gracious in these situations (which seem to happen every time Chris is gone), and I tend to let frustration overtake me. I get cranky and impatient, and I forget that being a mom, even when I am parenting solo, is my gift.
Being a momma to littles is hard. It is tiring. It makes your bones and your heart weary. Some days it feels like you have nothing to show for your mothering. It is easy to forget that I chose this whole motherhood thing when I am in the trenches and feeling alone and frustrated. It is easy for me to dwell on my loneliness and how hard it is when it seems as though your two year old screams about everything all.day.long. It is easy to feel defeated when my kids still act disrespectful and are disobedient (ugh, sinful nature). It is easy for me to look at my husband and feel like he has it easy because he doesn't have to do this correcting, rebuking, disciplining, shaping all day. It is easy to somehow start to feel entitled to more help and more time away. It is so easy to fall into the pit of resentment and to wallow there for hours and days.
Lately, the Lord has been teaching me a thing or two about this season of being a momma to these little people. He has been teaching me how to experience joy in the midst of it all. He has been reminding me that this work of disciplining is really molding their hearts and their character. Every day, I am mothering their souls. I get to point them to Jesus, and in the midst of that, I get to point my own heart to Jesus, a million times. That is a pretty amazing job, and my three little people are pretty amazing too. He has been teaching me to reject the lies and the resentment and to fall before the Lord on the days when I feel desperation creeping in and grabbing hold of my heart. He has been teaching me to look at my people and find Jesus in them, even in the midst of the hard parts. There are still days when the yucky parts of my heart win, and I forget to be thankful and loving and compassionate in the thick of things. However, I am so grateful for the journey I am on in learning to just love motherhood and to embrace and soak in this season.
So, this week while Micah was sick, I fought hard to choose love instead of bitterness. To enjoy the cuddles and snuggles instead of worrying about and dwelling on the sickness. To choose embracing motherhood instead of enduring it. The Lord offered me victory, and it was sweet. Last night, we celebrated Micah's recovery with an awesome dance party after dinner, and we laughed and danced until we were breathing hard and enjoyed each other. These are sweet days, friends.