Monday, January 6, 2014

2014 Resolutions.

I am, by nature, a perfectionist.  So when it comes to making resolutions and goals, I can sometimes be a little bit negative.  Goals do excite me, and I absolutely love the feeling of a fresh start that the new year brings.  BUT--I do not want to fail.  If I make resolutions, there is always a chance that I might not actually follow through with them, which would mean that I failed.  I know, totally ridiculous.
While Chris and I were on our getaway to celebrate our anniversary (9 years, baby!), we wanted to spend some time casting a vision about what we wanted our year to look like individually and as a family.  I am really thankful for a husband who pushes me to do things that make me uncomfortable  and who reminds me that I don't have to be perfect because grace has already been offered. So, we sat down, in a movie theater, and began talking through what we hoped for 2014.  A few of the things on my list are:
eat and serve my family more whole foods,
put my phone away more often during the day,
keep exercising,
plant and tend a garden with the kids,
read more,
be more like Jesus on 12/31/14 than I was on 12/31/13,
and let go of things I cannot control instead of worrying.

Over the past week, my heart has continued to wrestle with and get hung up on that last one.  These two words are swirling around in my head a lot: let go.  A popular theme is to choose just one word for the year as opposed to setting specific goals, and last year I read this post that made me really rethink the idea of resolutions and words altogether.  However, I feel the Lord stirring something in me this year, and making goals, and even possibly choosing a phrase, seems like the right thing to do for me in 2014.  So, I am declaring that this will be the year that I begin to really let go.  I am a worrier and control freak by nature, so I spend a lot of my days worrying about something that could happen and living in that fear while "the now" moments fly by.  I want to let go so I can live in the present with my family and not let this time pass me by.  I want to breathe in my little family of 5 just as we are right now and stop wondering if I can control the course of our days, weeks, and years. I want to let go of those things, release them to the Lord, and give in to trusting Him to be the provider He promises to be. I want to let go of needing to maintain a certain image as a mother, wife, and woman and just be who God created me to be in those roles. I want to let go of wishing things were different and just live in the present with what is right now.
I just want to stop wasting time living in fear, doubt, and worry and let go.
I'm already praying and believing that the Lord will be gracious to me in my quest to learn this.  I'm also hopeful that I can accomplish a few of those other goals up there in that list.
Cheers to a new year and a fresh start!

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