Full

We are on an adoption journey, and we are just beginning. Right now, we are just waiting.  Waiting for the paperwork to be approved.  Waiting for the research to be completed.  Waiting to hear that yes, our little boy can come home to be with us.

Waiting can be hard.  It has been hard.  Not necessarily because I'm not good at waiting (although I'm not) but because my heart and mind are still processing what exactly awaits us.

I have to admit that there are many days that I just want to pull the reins a little bit and slow everything down even more.

There are days that I have to remind myself that this little six year old boy is ours.  The Lord made that abundantly clear, but sometimes my heart needs a little reminding.

That is hard for me to admit, and it scares me.  But, it's truth.  Honest truth and from what I've heard and read, it's normal.

Today is different though.  

Today was one of those days that it feels so right.  I know in my heart that he is ours and that the Lord has called us to this.  I got to hear his voice on the phone today.  I got to hear him say in his precious Ghanaian accent "hal-lo mummy." My six year old boy called me mommy.

He has no idea what is in store for him, and it is going to be hard.  But, he gave me a new identity today.  One that terrifies me and humbles me and brings me unspeakable joy--I am his mommy.

In that moment, as tears ran down my cheeks, I knew that it is all going to be okay and worth it.

He is worth it.  He is my son.

I am confident that this adoption thing is going to rock my world in ways I cannot imagine.  It's going to challenge me to my core.  It's going to reveal things in me and my heart that I'd rather not know or have to acknowledge.  It is going to be tough.

But, I am certain after today that it is going to bring me and my family joy like we have never experienced.  I know this because God called us to it.  He is with us and for us.

And, after seeing Micah's face when she heard her big brother's voice, I am even more certain of this joy that awaits us.  It may be a long road, but we will be okay.

My heart is full tonight. I will definitely be going to sleep with a smile on my face and thanksgiving on my lips.

I heard some pretty amazing words today.  I won't ever forget them.  It was holy ground.