Twenty One Months

Beckett Lucas,

You are 21 months old now, which means that the number two is closing in quickly.  That also means that you are turning into more of my boy and becoming less of my baby right before my eyes, and it is all just kind of bittersweet.  I love watching your personality unfold and catching glimpses of who the Lord made you to be, but I will always hold tight to the memories I have of your sweet little baby face, bald head, and constant need for your momma.  One of my greatest blessings in life is being your momma and having a front row seat as you grow.  I receive so much joy from simply watching you, and these past three months have been no exception.

You are talking so much these days, and I think you learn at least one new word every single day.  Your daddy and I find ourselves constantly asking each other, "did he just say ____?" You are a little language sponge, and I absolutely love hearing you discover that part of life.  With that comes the sweetest words I ever did hear..."wuv woo" (love you).  You've been saying this for quite a while, but it melts me every time, especially when you whisper it to me from your crib when I lay you down at night.  Two of your favorite words right now are "bus" and "baseball," and I have never heard a more precious version of either of them.  I don't think I could list every word that you say because there are too many, but we love hearing your talk.  Your little voice is the most precious sound.

You adore baseball.  It is a borderline obsession.  Almost every single morning after breakfast, you run into the playroom, find one of daddy's baseball hats, your foam bat, and start whacking away at every ball you can find.  You love going to your cousin's little league games and will just sit and watch the whole time.  We always knew you loved balls, but this love for baseball took the cake.  If only you knew how this makes your daddy's heart swell.  I don't think he could've drawn it up any more perfectly than to have a 1 year old son who will sit on his lap and watch an MLB game on tv for at least 20 minutes without moving a muscle.  We don't know if you will be a great baseball player or not, and that doesn't matter one bit to us.  We just love watching your passion start to come alive.

You also really love your sister, and you want to do whatever she is doing.  She doesn't always love this quality in you, but I think it is precious.  I love the ways that you are beginning to play with her, and I love hearing the two of you laughing together as you play chase around the house.  You have already discovered how to be the pesky little brother, and you kind of like it.  If you are in the right mood, you will repeatedly do something that bothers her and get the funniest little smirk on your face when she gets frustrated at you.  This is the joy of siblings.  Your daddy and I pray consistently that you would have a deep bond with all of your siblings and a deep love for one another that follows you through life.  We pray that you will always be available for one another and forge unwavering friendships.

At 21 months, you have 12 teeth, but your top two canine teeth are really trying to push through and giving you loads of trouble.  You love to eat and are a pretty good eater.  You love most fruits, most days, and we have been able to find some veggies you like.  You aren't a big fan of sandwiches, but you love some chicken and avocados.  You can be picky in that you will gobble a food up one day and then turn your nose up at it another.  I guess you just like to keep mommy guessing!  You are a great sleeper and take one 2-3 hour nap each afternoon, and you sleep from 7:30pm-6:30am every night.  You sleep with one of your two favorite blankies (you call is "ba-bee"), and I love that about you.  You won't sleep with any other blanket.  We took your pacifier away for good about 2 months ago, and you completed that transition like a champ.  You are still our happy little guy and love to smile and flash that dimple.

Beckett, I feel like you are kind of my kindred spirit.  We are alike in so many ways--from being overwhelmed in a crowd to being more quiet to our (sometimes fierce) tempers.  I just get you, and that brings me a lot of comfort.  It also challenges me in ways that I didn't expect, and I am grateful for all of it--the peace and the challenge.  I didn't anticipate how much being your mommy would change me. You bring light and joy to our family that no one else could bring.  I pray every night that you will always be a bearer of light and joy wherever you go and in whatever you do.  I know that the spirit of the Lord is in you, and you will do great things.  Happy 21 months, my precious son.

I love you to the moon and back!
Your Mommy

What Will They Say?

Chris's sweet Granny {who I willingly claim as my own!} sent me a card for Mother's Day and included this verse inside:

Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

Proverbs 31:28-29

 I've heard these verses before, but something struck me deep in my soul when I read them yesterday.  Is there a better gift in all the world for a mother than for your children to stand and bless you?

I have not been able to get that thought out of my head since yesterday, a day dedicated to mothers.

Then, I read this post by Ann Voskamp, and I was certain that the Lord was behind this stirring in my soul.

In a world that is filled with snapshots that paint a beautiful picture of our lives and leave out the messy strokes, it is easy to fall victim to comparison.  To feel like you just aren't measuring up to all the other mothers around you.  To wish you made more time to do the fun things or had a house that was more "put together" or were able to manage your children's behavior more effectively.  The list goes on.  

I admit that I have allowed this comparison to creep into my heart and steal the joy and beauty I can find in my moments.  The real beauty is that my moments are exactly that--they are mine and unique to me and my family.  I do not have to be perfect according to the standards put on instagram, facebook, and the blogging world.  That is not my calling.  

My calling is to mother my children.

I want to live in a way that my children will stand one day and call me blessed.  

Not because I surpassed the ability of the other moms on the block.  Not because our house was the cleanest and most precisely styled.  Not because I didn't make mistakes or sometimes have a hard time managing them. 

No, it will only be because I ask the Lord to make me the best version of myself.  Because His love and power and work in me is enough.  Because I love my children deeply and care for them in my own way. Because I poured into them in ways that no one else could. Because when I made mistakes, I admitted them and asked for forgiveness. Because the Lord chose me to be their mother.

 

So, the question I have been asking myself is, "what will they say?"

It is rocking my world in the best possible way.

Big Boy

Beckett got his first haircut on Friday.  We had been contemplating it for several weeks because, although super cute, his hair was starting to get a little unruly.  The little curls were precious, but he was beginning to be mistaken for a girl while we were out sometimes.

Chris was more hesitant than I was to begin with.  As a man with less hair by the month, he really wanted Beckett to have all the hair he could!  I {thought} I was ready.  Until Friday morning came.  I found myself feeling really sentimental over the whole thing.

Here are Beckett's last pictures before we cut those sweet little curls.

During the cut, Beckett was amazing.  He just sat in the chair with his sucker and was so still.  He never cried or acted nervous or anything.  That sucker kept his attention the whole time.  

{Fun fact, the same sweet lady that cuts my hair gave both Micah and Beckett their first haircuts...love her!}

Here he is, happy as can be, after.

He looks soooo precious to me.  I love his sweet big boy haircut. Even though I still want him to be my baby boy sometimes, I love watching him grow.

Adoption Journey Continued

I have not written much about our adoption journey in a while.  Mostly because there hadn't been much to write about.  Everything was ticking along, investigations were being done, progress was being made, and Famous joining us by June looked promising.

This all kind of came to a halt about two weeks ago.  The US Embassy is asking for more paperwork that we don't have.  More paperwork that will be somewhat difficult to obtain in a country where structure and organization is not its strength.  This could delay the process by a month (best case scenario) or more.

Then, we learn that there seems to be some issues with those in power in Ghana suddenly deciding to be more difficult in regard to adoptions which could also potentially delay this process.

And, I have been reeling ever since.

I have felt confused, frustrated, angry, sad, and hurt.

In the midst of it all, I have realized something (again) about myself.  I really like getting my way. I really don't like when someone or something messes that up.  I really wanted Famous to be here by the end of this month or the beginning of next month because that is how I had envisioned it happening.  Of course, I also want him to be here because I am confident that he is supposed to be our son, and every moment that passes is another that we don't get to share in as a family.  But, if I'm being realistic, a whole lot of my frustration was wrapped up in not getting my way.

So, I am working on surrendering my plans to the Lord.  My plans that included Famous being here by the end of this month and starting life as a family of 5.  Let me be clear that I do not believe that the Lord is the reason for these delays that we are experiencing.  I do believe his timing is always perfect, but I also believe he hurts with me and wants Famous to experience love and compassion in ways that he isn't currently able to.  So, I think the delay is what it is and not orchestrated by the Lord.  However, the only way I can heal and receive peace is to loosen my controlling grasp and give that over to the One who knows me and knows Famous better than anyone.

So, where does that leave us?

Waiting.  Praying.  Hoping.

We are trying to push this forward in every way we can.  It hurts to think about our sweet boy being across the ocean from us.  We want him under THIS roof. I know there will be challenges and difficult moments once he is here, but my heart aches for him to be with us. 

I am also learning to trust the Lord more deeply and fully and hold onto my plans and my desires a little more loosely.

So, will you join us in pleading that the Lord will make a way?  And soon?  That is what we want, and we will be bold in asking.

I can promise you one thing...nothing is going to stop this momma from bringing that boy home. 

Strawberries

Just about 40 minutes from our front door is an amazing strawberry patch at A New Beginning Farm.  The kids and I were invited to join some friends in strawberry picking fun back in March, but we already had plans.  I knew we had to make time to get there before the season ended, though.

I had never been berry picking before and was so excited to experience something new with the kids.

We went with some dear friends this past Tuesday morning.  We packed all 5 kiddos and 2 mommas in one car and were off.

It was the most fun.

We picked and picked.  Micah liked trying to find good ones that were pretty and red but not "squishy."

Having never seen a strawberry patch before, I was enthralled.  It is amazing to me what can grow from the earth.  I loved it.

Beckett really was there.  He had a hard time picking strawberries without squeezing all the goodness out of them in the process, so he mostly watched from the stroller.

Look at all the delicious strawberries we came home with!

And they are as sweet as they look.  I'm already hoping to get another trip in before the season ends for the year.