Saying Goodbye to Old Comforts

This has been a bit of a tough week.

Chris and I have been discussing for months, literally, about when we would take away Micah's pacifier for good.  When she was about 1 1/2, the pacifier became available only at nap and bedtime, unless she was sick.  We wanted to get rid of it sooner rather than later because we figured it would only get worse the longer she was dependent upon it.

We originally planned to take it away after the holidays {back in January}, but she decided to learn how to crawl out of her crib at that same time.  So, we decided one transition at a time would be enough :)

So, at 2 1/2 years old, we decided it was time to take the plunge.  We declared Monday her last day ever with her pacifier {or papis, as she lovingly calls it}. We talked about it a lot, and she seemed to be dealing with it well. I had to take a few pictures to document her last time ever to use her pacifier.
Last nap with a pacifier
 
getting ready for last bedtime with a pacifier 
 

So, on Tuesday morning, she woke up, and we took the pacifier away for the very last time.

She and I washed all of her pacifiers and put them in a ziploc bag so we could deliver them that afternoon to our two month old friend, Becca.

All was going well, until nap time.

That is when my sweet, passionate Micah turned into a crazy child.

She started crying hysterically and screaming at me.  I have evidence to prove this.

 
Super sad, I know. I seriously have never seen her like this, but Micah is intense.  She doesn't feel any emotion half way.  If she is happy, she is over the moon with joy. But, if she is sad or angry, she can be a little dramatic about it. I expected it to be tough, but that word doesn't quite do it justice. As Chris said, day one was a disaster.  She didn't nap.  She screamed and cried herself to sleep.

I doubted our decision, but we had already delivered the pacifiers to baby Becca.

For 2 1/2 years, Micah has ALWAYS fallen asleep with a pacifier in her mouth.  From day one of her life, she has used one.

It rescued us in those early days when she couldn't soothe herself, and I couldn't feed her 24/7. It was her security blanket. She is learning all over how to soothe herself, and it is tough.

The rest of the week has been a little better.  Bed time is getting easier, but nap time each day turns my precious daughter into a crying, out of control little girl.

In these moments, I can feel Satan plant seeds of guilt and inadequacy in my heart.  Telling me I'm failing her as a mom, and that if I were a good mom, I would be able to calm and comfort her.

I would be lying if I said that I never considered those thoughts as truth because I did. I felt beat down and like a failure.

But, the Lord is so sweet to me. I love the way that the Spirit can take lies that Satan plants in us and just rip them out and replace them with truth.  

What I realized is that we are all constantly seeking things that will calm us and bring us comfort.
I found myself thinking of all the things I use to bring me comfort: my husband, my home, sitting on my couch with a bowl of ice cream and a movie, losing myself in a book, etc.  I look to all of those things to give me something that will never satisfy my longing for calm and peace and comfort.
Instead of praying for relief from this pacifier craziness, I found myself tearfully praying that Micah would somehow learn to find her comfort in God alone. That she would learn early on in life that no person, place, or material possession will ever bring her true peace and calm. Only Jesus can do that.
I so desperately want her to realize that and claim it for her life.

Even though saying goodbye to the pacifier has been tough, it has been a good reminder to me that life is all about letting go of things and learning to cling tighter to the Lord. Thankful for that.

Love this little girl so much and praying that the Lord will capture her whole heart.